Why is it that whenever you feel like you're finally off the ledge, life pushes you back? Further, and further to the edge. Further until all you can see is the great body of water, until all you can smell is the sea, slowly, threatening to swallow your existence, welcoming you in the great abyss.

Sometimes I feel like I have no purpose in this life. I walk this earth, just to go through my day-to-day existence, with nothing to offer, and nothing to look forward to. Like living here is a goddamn curse. I feel empty inside.

    And just as I am looking forward to finally see a bit of success into fruition, things happen. And once again, I see myself fail. I keep failing, I can't even count the number of times I've tried anymore! I'm a mess!

    I can see myself nearing the edge. I can smell it in the air. No matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I crawl to find my space, I think I can no longer take it anymore.


   I can feel the fear. Fear to get up, to get dressed, to do anything. I stay curled up in bed. Lying there, watching movies, but not really watching. Just so they drown the voice inside my head. I don't want to think. Don't want to hope....not anymore...no more.

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